this real life

Sooner or later it was bound to happen.

She’s about to enter the sixth grade so the fact that she should have an idea of how babies are made  – while appropriate, is not comforting.  The shocker is that I’ve broached this subject with her on several occasions hoping to open the door to a clinical discussion of anatomy and reproduction and she has repeatedly shut that door right in my face.  Did I say repeatedly?  I meant it.

But tonight the door was shut in a whole other way.  And I was not ready for it.  Not by a long shot.

Here’s how it went down.

My little darling had her BFF over for a sleepover.  The evening was chock full of whispers, closed doors and knowing giggles.  But after a discussion of certain “rumors” which had been permeating the 5th grade class I had seen and heard enough.  Up until this night, my daughter had not expressed any thoughts, ideas or inquiries that would suggest she had a working knowledge of sex or reproduction.  But her conduct this evening, told a very different story.  Still, I wasn’t totally convinced she wasn’t just “playing the part”.  Kids learn very quickly how to behave in order to be part of the click.  I needed more information.

Just before bed I called my precious first-born in to my bedroom.

I asked her in a somewhat muddled tone if she had any idea what the kids in her class were talking about.  Even if she understood the anatomy and baby-making stuff.

She rolled her eyes painfully and said – “Mom, yes!”

I went from squinting to wide-eyed.  My deliberate tone took a sharp left towards the corner of weak and pleading.

“Where did you learn that?”

I heard myself from somewhere outside my body and shriveled even further.

She answered with a flurry of words.  “Books” and “Friends” were the only two I was able to properly register.

A pause ensued.

My brow furrowed in the silence.

“….do you have any questions?” – I managed to ask.  Sheepishly.

“No – I’ve got it.”

Then she kissed me and left the room.

Just like that.

And now, …I’m pissed.

Isn’t parenting by definition a job which obliges you to have “the talk”?

Have I been completely denied this parental rite of passage?

Weird as this sounds, I was looking forward (in a dreading sort of way) to this speech.

I’ve logged in almost 11 years.

I deserve to be able to administer this speech to my “tween’ daughter.

I carried her for 9 months, breast fed on demand for over a year.

Allowed her to overtake my bed, my house, my life.

Dammit, I earned this!

Ok, so this isn’t really supposed to be about me.  I get it.

But I’m not going down without a fight.

I’m justifying our not yet scheduled discussion by telling myself that I must make sure she has the facts straight and hasn’t confused any relevant details.

And of course, there’s still my eight year old coming down the pike.

If I can make sure no one gets to her first, I might still have a chance.

Okay, I’m bragging a little but really, you should have seen the clear turquoise water and the sunsets so brilliant that you actually became emotionally overwhelmed.

I had the luxury of spending just about 48 hours on Parrot Cay (it’s pronounced “key”) last week and I took away a whole lot more than a sun-kissed glow and a travel size shampoo.

Full disclosure: I was there to plan a retreat with the executives of the resort and so part of my trip included meeting with the resident Pilates instructor and guru Lynda Lippin as well as experiencing first hand the classic Como Shambala signature massage, availing myself of the spa, eating the delicious cuisine and absorbing whatever else was possible about the customer experience at Parrot Cay in order to fashion the ideal experience for my group.

My second to last meeting was with Dr. Swati.  The tall and beautiful doctor is the resident Ayurvedic doctor and Reiki master on the island.  She is also a yoga teacher and expert in pranayama and stress management.

I find it curious that although I embrace my pragmatic, science-major and all around grounded human being-ness – that I have a tremendous pull towards all spiritual healing modalities.  I have been swept up ever so briefly in dozens of methodologies from crystals to magnets, dozens of diets, bodywork systems and more.  I am a ready and willing target.  I truly want to believe.

Dr. Swati and I met so that I could understand more fully the concept of Ayurvedic medicine and see whether there was some synergy between my pending retreat and Ayurveda for our participants.

She gave me a wonderful summary of the types of personalities and physicalities and as I inquired about diet and exercise for each type, she shared more and more her knowledge and beliefs about the idea of the earthly elements being contained within all of us and expressed by each of us.  What I found most compelling was her assertion that certain “types” (they are Vata, Pitta, and Kappha if you are curious) crave certain things but that these things are not always approprriate for them.  For example a fire or Pitta personality should not have hot or steaming foods – the idea being that it feeds the fire.  This along with too much red meat and things like coffee are contra-indicated for the Pitta type.  I asked Dr. Swati – does Pitta really crave these things.  And she answered with a loooong pause and and stern glare – “if they are not listening to their bodies. – If they listen – no, they do not.”

I left in awe of this woman – she glowed from every pore and I wanted to stay in her presence much longer than we had time for.  Even just to soak up her aura.

I’ve been home a few days now and trying hard to really listen to my body. What time do I naturally wake?  What am I really hungry for?  When do I work out the best?  Do I feel good?  In this city in this century it’s really tough to listen to anyone, let alone yourself.

But I’m trying.  Dr Swati, I am really trying.

~Alycea

Let it never be said I live in a Pilates bubble!

If you have heard me rant then you know full well that I exercise EVERYWHERE!

Just as artists support the arts, fitness pros support the health and wellness industry!  This year in particular I have been a frequent flier at the most popular gyms, spinning studios and sculpting classes in new york city.  If it’s on the radar I check it out.  Why?

~First and foremost, it’s my job.  I need to know what my clients are experiencing at other classes and how we stack up.

~Second, I need to be able to refer complimentary workouts to certain clients and steer other clients away from regimens that might not be ideal for them.

~Finally, I need to workout.  A lot.  And working out at my job (funny as that sounds) is hard to do.

So here’s my take on what’s going on in fitness around the city these days.

Maybe I’m biased (ok, yes I’m biased) but exercise is personal.
The only way I’m going to really achieve my potential is if I work my absolute hardest. And the only way I can do that is if my instructor knows how hard I’m working.

~On Thursday I was “girl in the blue shirt”.

~On Tuesday I was “bike number 46″.

I don’t hold the instructors responsible.  They are doing their best to work within a specific business model that promises increased revenue for increased volume but this structure forces anonymity.  And in my book, anonymity is the enemy of accountability.

None of these teachers could possibly know that I have a bum hip.  Or that I’m not working my hardest.  Or even that I am pushing my absolute hardest.  They – don’t – know- me!

I’ve been critiqued for years for my business model – “you teach too few” and “you should do semi-privates” and you need to “get more people into your mat classes”.  After this week I am more committed than ever to my product!

This morning I trained one of my regular clients who is post-cancer.  The muscle atrophy and side effects of the drugs are still present.  But they want to be pushed – hard.  I know which days are better or worse. I have time to prepare for our sessions before we work together.  I make notes afterwards.  And I feel tremendously satisfied knowing I could not have given a better, more customized or personal workout.  And that they were pushed to their limit, their “personal” limit!

When I teach our group classes – I know everyone BY NAME.  I get around the room to make sure I know what limitations may be there and I lay hands on each and every person so I can help them get the best possible workout!

I don’t ever want to call my client “bike 46″ or “girl in the blue shirt”.

And I never will!

It seems no matter how determined I am to pare down my commitments and focus only on the most important projects, the universe intervenes and throws me a new possibility. One I just…can’t…resist. Here’s the latest updates and a handful of sentimentality to differentiate this particular post from all the rest.

In case you haven’t been following, I’m in Video limbo. My scheduled DVD is on someone’s desk (I’m guessing) waiting to be categorized and signed off on. While that project awaits the green-light I have been giving birth (not literally) to a new “baby”. On my “to do” list over the past 4 years has been the creation of a Fitness Mat. My original concept has held up and in the process of taking this design to market, I’ve learned a heap. I’ve had to explore production domestically and overseas, negotiate terms via Skype, understand shipping policies ad nauseum and establish a distribution and fulfillment mechanism (no, these things can NOT live in my basement). It’s been hugely overwhelming but we finally have a finished product on the way with wholesale and retail pricing in place.

The newest entry in my already packed day is a brand new Pilates title with my publishers DK. The shortest turnaround time ever, I have agreed to crank out 256 pages, 60,000 words and a “fresh, new take on Pilates” by May. Yes, this May. Just 6 weeks from now. Just so you know I’m not exaggerating – I actually don’t even have my contract in hand yet. That’s how last minute this whole thing is.

And of course, in the middle of all this I’m supposed to be parenting my two delicious girls right through tweendom and into something that is supposed to resemble young adulthood in some way. Yeah. Not…..happening.

Mornings have become rife with protest, the eldest one in particular who believes (as she should at 10 yrs old) that I have nothing to contribute by way of information, advice or experience. “You just don’t understand” is her mantra. Like I have somehow existed in a vacuum having skipped over childhood and arrived at motherhood independent of any childhood drama. I mean seriously?

To summarize, I’ve lost control of my schedule …….again!
My daughter is wrenching herself away from me every day.
I feel completely out of control and this always translates into self-loathing for me.

“If I were a competent business owner I wouldn’t be under the gun this way.  If I were a good mother, none of this would be happening.”

Real time check…it’s 8:30am and I must duck into the quaint little chapel affiliated with my kids’ school because today is the last day my 10 year old plays her recorder during service and despite our hideous morning together she still insists that I attend.

I pad in quietly past the choir and ensemble.
The hymn is lovely and soothing.
I slip into an empty pew and feel some tension dissipate.
My little angel looks so young and small up there.
The sermon begins. Because this is a curricular event it is only the children in attendance and the sermon is more of a lesson. A short 10 minute lesson to help guide the youngsters in their behaviors.

And as luck would have it, today, Forgiveness is the topic.
I listened to Mother Stacey deliver her tales of forgiving her friends, and learning to forgive herself and then turn to her students and impart her message to them.

And then we filed out of the tiny chapel and went about our days.
I managed to sneak a little kiss before I left for work. I reminded myself that she is just 10 and it will get harder before it gets easier. And I reminded myself that I too, have much to learn still.

And that is just fine.

It’s my favorite question.

If you’ve heard me lecture or present on business or teaching you know that “what would it look like” is at the heart of my approach to well…everything.

The very nature of the question implies that all things are possible.  That anything is possible.  And that whatever it is, isn’t subject to some pre-existing template.  You get to decide.

The Olympics kicked off this past week and each of these tremendous athletes have someone close to them who imagined what it would look like if this bundle of talent standing next to them were cultivated and trained to it’s highest possible level.  The athletes themselves must ask themselves daily, what would it look like if I do or do not make it to the team.  What will it look like if I make it to the podium?

“What would it look like” kicks off all our staff meetings.  It kicks off my project and program development.  And it kicks off most of my problem solving efforts.  Because what it does look like is simply never as important as what it could look like.

Potential is everything.

The question is a visual one.  Can you see, really see what it would look like?

If you can, even if it’s only a glimmer….go get it.

~Alycea

January is closing up shop so we should all take stock and see if this first month is still on track.  Did you (we) hold steady in our resolve to better, improve, maintain and the like?  Or did you (we) veer wildly off course, distracted by the promise of …well, nothing really – that’s the screwy thing about distractions.

Somewhere during this month, my hard fast shooting date turned into a fluid “likely to be March …but not sure of dates yet..” sort of timeline.  Which threw a serious monkey wrench in my tight as nails schedule.  Not to mention grossly lessened my resolve.  The control over my own elements and environment are so much more easily managed and tolerated.  Once it’s out of my hands, you’ll find me scarfing down apple danishes and marshmallows while I watch tweets and status updates flit across my screen.

I did, in fact, stay focused on the positive aspects of this development.  Namely that I will never ever regret  having had even more time to prepare.  I won’t be sorry I had extra time to get in shape, rehearse, script and brainstorm.  But right now I’m right where the pause button always puts me – in the doldrums  – and the best possible cure for this is focusing on other people and new projects!  In this way I can redirect the attention away from myself,  feed off of the good spirits and creativity around me and channel my energies to good use.

So far this week I’ve downed some cheesecake, pie and more Skinny Cows than I should BUT I’ve also cranked out a neat new teacher’s tool, mapped out a nifty Pilates tech gadget and established a formula for ongoing wellness retreats that I’m really  stoked about.  And now – some 5 days after the proverbial “fall” off the wagon, I feel ready to regroup and hit the mat.

Inspiration and motivation come in many forms.  My abs may be a little less impressive this week but the creative part of my mind had a week-long intensive and that felt really, really great!

Alycea

Next week:  From Tutus to Cha-chas….

I signed up today with a trainer I know for a 21 day Cardio Challenge.

(reminder if you are just tuning in, I have under 6 weeks to be in kick-butt shape for the DVD I’m filming)

Key to success, any success, is accountability.  For some, this means simply charting, recording or calendaring your goals.  Others are event driven.  A race, a reunion, a big affair can certainly serve to hold you accountable to others.  For me, this is tough – I’m simply not motivated enough to hold myself on task and events come and go without any measurable achievements.  I am far more motivated by the praise and encouragement of others.  But there are some caveats here.  And I think just by writing this down, there will be some self-discovery on my part.  So bear with me.

~First - It can’t be someone too close to me.  Friends and family don’t hold you that accountable.  In fact, they piss you off sometimes.  But even worse, you’ll tell them where to go when you find yourself slipping off the wagon.  Relationships are strained, love is lost and well….you know the rest.

~Second – It has to be someone I like or look up to enough to want to impress!  In my world this means someone who doesn’t know me very well.  It’s as though I get to make repeated good “first impressions’ – and as it relates to fitness this is a very good thing.  Think Groundhog Day.

~Third  – Someone I know “a little” is infinitely more motivating than a total stranger.  If you think someone might expect a certain level of commitment or performance from you, you are that much more likely to deliver.  And by “you” I mean “I”, of course.

~Fourth – It’s gotta change up periodically.  The same person gets too familiar, too sympathetic and suddenly there I am making excuses about my shoes being not right or my shoulder being tweaked today or a bad night’s sleep.  All total cop-outs.  I’m just looking for the easy out.

You may have your own rules about this but I’m betting none of us give much thought to the exact type of person that takes us across the finish line.  It’s January and there’s no better time to sort this out so go ahead and examine what type of person would make you work the hardest, go the extra mile, and push hard in spite of your softer tendencies.  I am thrilled when I am pushed to the limit and happiest after a grueling workout where I went boldly outside my comfort zone.  But it takes a certain type of coach to get me there!

21 days from now I hope to have completed my Cardio challenge (note to readers:  I hate cardio – remember, former dancer, pilates guru, you get it…).  My coach?  The lovely and talented trainer extraordinare Jewel Elizabeth.  I barely know her, she is NOT friends  or family, and being in the biz herself I sense that she expects me to succeed – this is the magical formula for me!

Think about it.  What (and I mean Who) would make you truly accountable?  All input welcome, as always.

Alycea

Ok – I’m not asking for any slack here.

Remember this blog right now is serving as an insider’s view so that all you folks who think us exercise peeps are genetically blessed can get a “behind the scenes” glimpse of our regular struggles.  And also to keep me on track with my fitness, health and weight control as I prep for a video shoot.

Today is Monday and it’s a notable Monday because it has been 7 days since I had my last diet coke! Let me clarify.

By “last” I mean the one before right now.  I’ve changed my goal from cold turkey never again to “maybe just one a week”.  I’m not giving it up forever but I’m dramatically weaning myself off the toxic stuff.  Before you judge me too harshly – know this.  I don’t drink coffee. There, see, I’m not as pathetic as you thought I was 5 seconds ago.

So Yay for me!  If I can have one Diet Coke a week – I figure my body can flush it out in 6 days time!  And how much better is one a week, than one (ok, sometimes 2) a day?  I am very impressed with myself!

It started with a cleanse!

Last Monday I began a 3-day juice cleanse and stuck to it!  I even added an extra day of cleansing on my own on Thursday since I had some juices left over.  On Christmas Day I ate, but lightly. And this weekend I’ve been watching calories and my protein vs. carbs ratio, so I think I’ve got a handle on it.

Of course, everyone wants to know how much weight you lose on a cleanse and if it all comes back immediately.  For me, it was about 4-5 lbs.  And so far, no, it hasn’t come back but it wasn’t really about the weight – what I’m really trying to control is my sugar cravings and seemingly insatiable hunger!  If I had my druthers, I would eat non-stop, pretty much all the time.  So that’s the gauge by which I am measuring my success.

Did it work?

I can’t say I’m less hungry.  But I didn’t even think about a diet coke until today.  And I absolutely have not been gorging on sweets so two out of three is a healthy start.

I will also say that the cleanse was tolerable – I had very little confidence that I would complete it and certainly didn’t imagine I’d go one day extra.

For anyone that wants to try:

Blueprint Cleanse - Renovation – level one

You can choose 1 or 3 days or more.  First timers – tread lightly.

They are quite popular and this is my only complaint – cleansing is often an impulse choice.  At least twice in the past month, I’ve tried to get on their calendar to begin and was told they were sold out or I’d have to be on the wait list.  I shopped around for some other sources and came up with American Yogini as well as Organic Avenue.  Some folks recommended Clean by Alejandro Junger but I am never going to prepare my own juices and mixed (think breakfast and morning duty with two kids)  - it’s just not gonna happen.  So I did, in fact, wait it out and went with Blueprint.  But from a marketing perspective, my business mind was screaming “don’t make a hungry person wait if they are willing to starve themselves..right this second!”

In the end, I prevailed.  The New Year is in a few days and I think I’m off to a good start but maybe one more cleanse will knock back that nast Cheetos habit.  (just kidding ….  sort of)

Next up: The Pilates gal goes rogue with brand new workouts!…stay tuned.

Today I cleanse!

And tomorrow too.

This goes on for three days and then Christmas eve and Christmas day come to thwart my detox efforts thus leaving me back at day 1,… again. 

And again. 

Sounds  a little like groundhog’s day.

Here’s the deal.  The real deal.  Despite notions to the contrary, health and fitness gurus struggle with food, weight and well-being just like everyone else.  I am no more above a binge, purge or protracted period of laziness than anyone else! But I have a job which holds me to a high standard and in just two short months I’ll be filming a video.  If that inspires fear in you, imagine what it does to me, as the voice, face and yes, body of the project.

So I’ve decided to blog about the process.  My personal “get in shape” efforts as well as the behind the scenes process.  If you have questions, comments or just want to weigh in on this thread, please feel free.  I’m rallying all the support I can get.  And I’m hoping that in the process of coaching me through this, you’ll awaken your own “inner” coach and find yourself just a tiny bit more motivated. 

Today begins day 2 of my 3 day Juice detox.  Is this smart on Christmas week?  I’m not sure but I know my body well enough to know that kickstarts are really really helpful.  Plus, I have a nasty diet coke habit I’m trying to kick.  So with a bit of a haze around me and a fairly sour stomach – I’m reaching for the trademarked Green Juice that will be the staple of my day.  It didn’t help that I had a 6:30am radio show to wake up for – or that I have a midnight one tomorrow night but I will not be deterred!  (hey, juice cleanses are NOT cheap!)

So here we go…….stay tuned!

Alycea